Insanity
by Suncaught
Summary: They had never been good at pretending.


Deedledee! Writing! Whoope!

Pairing: Inuyasha and Sesshomaru... Because nothing this sexy has ever been seen before. Ever.

Rating: M. For language and sex.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Which is probably a good thing.

Authors note: I'm back! This Fanfiction is most definitely NOT platonic. I know they're brothers but... Whatever. I never really got the impression they had strong values. Also there is bit of OOC-ness on Inuyasha's part.

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha attempt to deal with loss.

ooo

It wasn't love.

They both knew that.

It never would be.

They both knew that.

Still, in between sharp breaths and biting kisses, they could fool themselves into thinking it resembled love. Sometimes, on especially cold nights, when the other was warm and rip-roaring and fast, they could pretend it was love.

But deep down they knew their hearts had shriveled like burnt paper when they were left behind. They weren't capable of pretending, incapable of loving, beyond being loved.

That doesn't mean they didn't try.

Inuyasha was indomitable and Sesshomaru was unconquerable and neither really had much say in the matter anyway. It was like taking some sort of sick drug. A derlirium inducing powder they couldn't get enough of. They sniffed it up, scraped and grabbed for it, breathing it in heaving gasps until they couldn't see. And then when it started to fade they licked it from underneath their nails and layed back on cherry grass, watching sunsets that looked like dawn.

Sesshomaru pretended to be indifferent as he participated in the twisted charade, but his heart pounded and his eyes narrowed when Rin's name was mentioned, became so coldly demonic the very thought of his little girl-child ward was taboo. Inuyasha knew when he was angry though. He could see Sesshomaru's heart beating through his shirt.

Inuyasha never hid his feelings. His jaw clenced, his throat snarled, and his iris' bled red whenever someone dared to taunt him with barbed insults about Kagome. He laughed, slightly off-kilter, and left the warmth of the fire alone, returning later to his old companions with crusted blood under his claws.

For both of them, the other was the only one who could know, who could really truly know. The only one who could understand how desperately the other wanted to rip something apart. The only one who had gone through something exactly same and knew the way dead, stone skin felt like fire and dead, blue lips looked like blood.

Wasn't that ironic. Two brothers, more alike than they'd ever wanted to be.

Sesshomaru was indifferent. He didn't care. He didn't care that no one called A-Un by name anymore. He didn't care that he was heartless, that she was gone. He _didn't_. He was a great taiyoukai, feared and respected and powerful. He didn't have time for something as petty as human loss.

Inuyasha cared. He cared that he couldn't love anyone anymore. He cared that no amount of bloodshed would ever bring Kagome back. He cared. He gripped the edge of sanity with the tips of his fingers. He cared about the little half-sung thoughts trembling inside him, rubbing sandpaper against skull, threatening to pry his half-breed claws off the cliff and cast him into black, churning waters below.

But he didn't care about Sesshomaru at all.

And Sesshomaru didn't give a single damn about Inuyasha.

They just liked the way it felt.

Sex with Sesshomaru was not gentle. Not at all. It was hot-sharp-biting. It was blood-cuts-bruises and don't come crying back to me darling. It left scars.

Inuyasha liked it. He liked it when Sesshomaru's claws contracted on his stomach, leaving sharp red crescets that glistened in the night.

Inuyasha knotted his hands twiceover in his brothers painfully soft hair and smirked, pulling him downward until their mouths crashed together like ocean waves on sand. He didn't care if it was twisted. Inuyasha didn't give two shits about what people thought anyway, never had really, never will again.

They just kept moving and sliding and fucking and biting until even the great Lord of the West collapsed to the loose dirt floor with a throaty, ragged groan of exhaustion.

When at last the sun began to claw it's way onto the horizon they staggered to their feet, bodies still crusted with red-streaked sex sweat and pale scars that were quick to heal and slow to fade. They didn't talk on these crimson sky mornings, but then they didn't talk most of the rest of the time either.

Inuyasha simply washed the dirt from his hair and the salt from his body and arrived back at his camp as the his last bruises tinged yellow.

ooo

Today, though, was different. There was something about today, something nestling in Inuyasha's nerves, something that made him rougher, saltier, meaner. It was a dangerous thing.

Today Inuyasha didn't ease up, slow down, didn't try to end before the harsh judgement of morning as the moon faded, the sky lightened, and the sun fought. Today he kept going. He straddled Sesshomaru's pelvis and yanked his head back in the early morning light, dawn over the mountain. He traced a wet tongue over his brothers collar bones, exploring what new shadows the day light brought.

Sesshomaru kept his eyes half lidded and his jawline set, as though unmoved by the sudden departure from their norm, but his fingers clutched the crabgrass beneath them.

Inuyasha felt it. His tongue dipped in the hollow under the youkai's jaw, climbed across his lips, up one high and arched cheekbone.

"Why do you think you're better than me?"

Inuyasha barely spoke the words, his hot breath brushing Seshomaru's eyelids.

When no response was forthcoming, he paused.

"Did'ya hear me? Why is it?" This time, his voice was rusted from the back of his throat.

"It was today, wasn't it Inuyasha? Today exactly. A whole year ago since she died." Sesshomaru didn't open his eyes a crack, but his silky voice was far too knowing.

"Don't give me that shit, Sesshomaru! Don't pretend." Inuyasha jerked away from his brother, rising up to hover above his brother, thighs splayed wantonly over Sesshoumaru's own, but he held his chin high. "Don't pretend like you don't care."

"You act like you're just so fucking perfect, don't you." The words were spit. "But underneath it all, you're just as screwed up as me. As the _Hanyou_."

Inuyasha wound trembling fingers around his brother's throat, without any real pressure but with enough almost-shattered rage to make Sesshomaru's breath hitch.

"Otherwise why do you need to fuck me, Huh? You wouldn't be fucking me if Rin was alive, would'ya?

Sesshomaru twitched at the mention of Rin's name, claws digging into Inuyashas flanks in a not-so-subtle warning. That Inuyahsa would _dare_...

Inuyasha laughed like a guttering flame, all last-ditch malice that he never needed to use before, back when a wide-eyed girl smiled at him. Now he clung to it, bathed in it. It felt like something she would've probably frowned at, but he couldn't bring himself to care. She wasn't here anymore was she? She couldn't do a fucking thing about it.

It made him angrier that this fact hurt so much.

He clenched his fingers tighter, stared into Sesshomaru's haughtily detached eyes. A sudden cruel grin bared his teeth.

"If Rin was still alive, _Sesshomaru-sama_, you could be fucking her instead."

Sesshomaru froze.

"Is that what you think about sometimes, Sesshomaru-sama? Huh?" Inuyasha purred the words. "She'd be just the right age by now, right? And so perfect, so _pure_..."

Sesshomaru made a noise like he'd choked. His demonic energy roiled beneath his skin like a lit forest fire, suddenly enraged. Inuyasha smirked.

"Shame you gotta screw me instead."

He was luxurious, basking in Sesshomaru's abrupt match-struck fury, itching to push it over the edge.

He licked a stripe up Sesshomaru's neck, tilted his head under the shadow of pre-dawn half-light.

"I bet she would've been a good fuck."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened until the irises were surronded by white. His breath leaked out in a hiss between his teeth, muscles stretched taught.

Every sense was alert, every nerve ending was firing, every sound, smell, sensation was overloaded, and Sesshomaru had never wanted to rip his brother apart more. His pathetic brother, sitting there with weak fingers on his throat and a filthy smile on his lips.. like he was imagining it.

Before Inuyasha could draw another breath he was on his back, his shoulders pinned to the ground by Sesshomaru's sweating palms.

He attacked Inuyasha's neck, teeth lingering too long, too hard over the delicate pulse point, hips thrusting agaisnt the Hanyou, hard and crude and punishing. He bruised Inuyasha's neck, dug rivulets of blood into his ribs, bit his lower lip wide open. Inuyasha took it, moaned and whined beneath him, but the fucker had the nerve to keep laughing between breaths, harsh and helpless.

Sesshomaru felt adrenaline pounding through him, coursing in his veins and arteries, seeping out his fingertips.

He slowed above the other man, breaths coming in shuddering heaves. But Sesshomaru wasn't about to continue on, give Inuyasha the fucking satisfation. Inuyasha groaned a little, spat blood from split lips down his chin, and grinned up at him, laughter coming to a wet-fire end.

"Why are you so better than me then."

Inuyasha let the words melt out of him, they dipped down across his face and pooled on the ground like curdled milk.

Sesshomaru was consicious of his claws sinking deep into Inuyasha's shoulder. Good. It felt good.

"I'm not."

The stiff admission left his lips and hung in the air as if the oxygen had to make space for them - final and incriminating and shameful- and then were gone, sinking into the crabgrass floor, the dirty follicles of Inuyasha's hair, and the fresh, metallic blood clotting under his nails, buried in Inuyasha's skin.

Inuyasha's smirk remained planted on his face, rough voices in his head screaming incessently. Hearing him say it, surprisingly, didn't do anything to lessen the crushing ache that thundered through his veins. Way back before, he would've fought to the end to hear Sesshomaru say those words, and now, he realized, it wasn't even a victory. It was just he and his big brother screwing, wasn't it. And there was noone, noone else, noone at all to prove himself too. Fucking nobody.

Well then.

He'd always been teetering on the edge of batshit crazy to begin with, ever since she died, ever since a spider man stole the world out from under his feet, ever since he was a tiny child huddling underneath the blows and stones of stupid bastards, of ignorants, of people too scared to do the right thing. He'd been hanging off a cliffside his whole life. And so, right then right there, he just let go.

"You're a bastard Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha thrust his hips up, curled his arms around Sesshomaru's back, digging claws in harsh red lines up the demon's back, feeling electricity crackling in his bones. He pulled Sesshomaru down so he could sink teeth into his jaw, lick a hot swirl his ear, laugh like a dying thing against his inhuman lips, and just fuck him. Fuck hard and brutal, like Inuyasha'd been fucked his whole life.

Sesshomaru didn't know what else he could do then, raw and lost and only just beginning to see that the barren wasteland he wandered had no end in sight, not now and not ever. He groaned at the heat of his brother going over some unseen edge, the way it made his stomach clench and his mouth become wet with lust. It wasn't about denying satisfaction at all anymore. Never had been really. He thrust back on Inuyasha, felt white-heat flare up the icy length of his spine, and decided that that was all that really mattered. He was sharp, so cold it burned. A sheathed sword in steel that rang vibrations through the air, and didn't save lives anymore, not again, not ever. It was so easy, so simple, to fuck his little brother. He'd never been any more sane than Inuyasha anyway.

They went kissing, fucking, fighting all the way down.

_fin._

Well, there we have it. Kind of depressing really, but oh well! ;)

I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, critiques!


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